Dear Helen and Damian,

“What if I had done this?” “If only I had done that.” These are the thoughts that keep us entrenched in our self-loathing. Guilt-ridden, we turn in on ourselves. We punish ourselves in the hope that this will bring absolution. “If I’d just been more like that,” we think, as we grow accustomed to our abjectness, not realising that these thoughts are a paralysing, self-negating wickedness. “Could I have done more to prevent this loss?” The answer is probably yes. Now, Helen, let’s be rid of this morbid interiority and move on.

We are broken things, amongst other broken things. We are imperfect and characterised by our capacity to fuck things up, yet still we can move incrementally towards the greater good. This serves as grounds for both self-forgiveness and hope, and reflects our inherent human loveliness.

We all have a job to do, and it is urgent business. We must make this world as bearable as we can. I believe, with no small amount of awe, that we have tremendous potential to achieve just that. I marvel at our collective and individual ingenuity. We are broken, yet – wow, o wow – look what we can do! We can be good to one another! We can love one another! We can be kind!

I have witnessed such kindness from people – ordinary kindness from broken individuals. Kindness that dismantles the structures of self-hatred and cynicism by recognising our shared condition. We are in this life together, each woven into the other, with our individual sorrows being merely a drop in a vast sea of mutuality.

We need one another, Helen, to hell with shame and guilt. We have work to do.

Love, Nick

P.S. Oh, and Damian, please, ‘I Am A God’ by Kanye West.